TTTS Parent Stories: My Twin Angels By Courtney
During the early times of my pregnancy, I had intuitive messages that I was having twins. I noticed one night that I had eaten two of everything: two burritos, two glasses of water, two desserts. At Christmas, I looked into a pair of shoes that with the brand "Joy," stamped into each shoe. "Joy" is the name I would give a daughter. Also, one night I was reading a novel. After I finished a chapter, I put the book down, put my hands on my belly and asked myself, "What's going on in there?" After a few moments, I picked up the novel, turned the page, and the title of the next chapter was, "Twins." Woa! But I wouldn't believe anything until I'd seen a medical professional.
At 17 weeks, I had my first ultrasound. My mother-in-law and husband were with me. Before the technician started the scan, I was telling my family about how my midwives wouldn't listen for a second heartbeat on the doppler (I asked them to at 12 weeks), and we'd find out for sure now if we really had twins.
The technician was scanning . I looked to the screen, and I saw two round objects and a smaller "part." I immediately thought that my baby was in pieces! Luckily, the technician cut in with, "You ARE having twins." She had been listening to our conversation about the midwives. At first, we all thought she was playing along with our banter. We stared at her as she said, "Really, you are having twins!" I immediately said to my husband, "I told you I wasn't working if we had twins, and I'm not working!" I was excited about being a stay-at-home mom.
We all held our breath as the technician scanned through each twin's body, but everything was perfect! Later, the doctor came in (the only time we ever saw the doctor), and he told us he thought they were identical. He alerted us to the risk of TTTS, but he left us with the low statistic of 4% of identical twins develop it. I'd return at 20 weeks to make sure our twins didn't have it.
The next 4 ultrasounds gave us the all-clear. I went in for my last ultrasound at 36 weeks. For the first time, the babies measured the same: 5 lbs, 6 oz. Baby B had always been a little smaller. We were happy that Baby B was catching up. (Now we wonder if Baby B's growth indicated that he was the recipient twin). The technician also measured the amniotic levels, which we hadn't been told about before. She said they were in the normal range. Everything looked good, and we left with photos of Baby A's hairy head and Baby B's foot and toes.
A week later, I saw my OB for my last prenatal visit. Heartbeats were fine. Everything ok. I asked him about the ultrasound report, and he said all was ok.
3 days later, I was doing the breast stroke in the pool, with my snorkel on, relaxed and breathing deeply, and I noticed how quiet it was. No noises under water, and my twins were quiet. The next evening, I put my hand on my belly and noticed it was quiet. I'd read in books that babies become quiet around the birthday. "It must be soon," I thought.
A few hours later, I awoke at 5 am for a pee. Sitting on the toilet, I started shivering and shaking. Had my husband turned down the AC when he came home late? I rushed into bed, snuggled into the covers, and. . . Gush! My water broke! Now I was really shaking, from adrenaline, I guess. Amazing how my body knew what was happening before I did (I shook before my water broke or any sign of labor). I was so excited that my water broke because my doctor had been talking about a scheduled c-section the next week due to the fact that BOTH babies were breech. On the toilet, I remembered I had a dream about chocolate cake, and I had an idea to make a birthday cake for the twins that day, to hasten their arrival. I wanted the twins to decide when to come, not my doctor.
At the hospital, I met my doula, and we proceeded to Triage for prep. I was strapped with monitors, but the nurse couldn't find the heartbeats, so she got out the doppler. She shoved it in to my ribs, saying, "That baby must be in a strange position." I asked my doula, "Is it normal to be this hard to find the heartbeats?" She said one must be in a weird position. Finally, the nurse found something that satisfied her. Then they did an ultrasound to check the babies' position. Again, they couldn't find the position of one. Were they incompetent, or what? My OB finally came in, did a last ultrasound, and said they were both still breech. Off to the OR for surgery prep.
At 17 weeks, I had my first ultrasound. My mother-in-law and husband were with me. Before the technician started the scan, I was telling my family about how my midwives wouldn't listen for a second heartbeat on the doppler (I asked them to at 12 weeks), and we'd find out for sure now if we really had twins.
The technician was scanning . I looked to the screen, and I saw two round objects and a smaller "part." I immediately thought that my baby was in pieces! Luckily, the technician cut in with, "You ARE having twins." She had been listening to our conversation about the midwives. At first, we all thought she was playing along with our banter. We stared at her as she said, "Really, you are having twins!" I immediately said to my husband, "I told you I wasn't working if we had twins, and I'm not working!" I was excited about being a stay-at-home mom.
We all held our breath as the technician scanned through each twin's body, but everything was perfect! Later, the doctor came in (the only time we ever saw the doctor), and he told us he thought they were identical. He alerted us to the risk of TTTS, but he left us with the low statistic of 4% of identical twins develop it. I'd return at 20 weeks to make sure our twins didn't have it.
The next 4 ultrasounds gave us the all-clear. I went in for my last ultrasound at 36 weeks. For the first time, the babies measured the same: 5 lbs, 6 oz. Baby B had always been a little smaller. We were happy that Baby B was catching up. (Now we wonder if Baby B's growth indicated that he was the recipient twin). The technician also measured the amniotic levels, which we hadn't been told about before. She said they were in the normal range. Everything looked good, and we left with photos of Baby A's hairy head and Baby B's foot and toes.
A week later, I saw my OB for my last prenatal visit. Heartbeats were fine. Everything ok. I asked him about the ultrasound report, and he said all was ok.
3 days later, I was doing the breast stroke in the pool, with my snorkel on, relaxed and breathing deeply, and I noticed how quiet it was. No noises under water, and my twins were quiet. The next evening, I put my hand on my belly and noticed it was quiet. I'd read in books that babies become quiet around the birthday. "It must be soon," I thought.
A few hours later, I awoke at 5 am for a pee. Sitting on the toilet, I started shivering and shaking. Had my husband turned down the AC when he came home late? I rushed into bed, snuggled into the covers, and. . . Gush! My water broke! Now I was really shaking, from adrenaline, I guess. Amazing how my body knew what was happening before I did (I shook before my water broke or any sign of labor). I was so excited that my water broke because my doctor had been talking about a scheduled c-section the next week due to the fact that BOTH babies were breech. On the toilet, I remembered I had a dream about chocolate cake, and I had an idea to make a birthday cake for the twins that day, to hasten their arrival. I wanted the twins to decide when to come, not my doctor.
At the hospital, I met my doula, and we proceeded to Triage for prep. I was strapped with monitors, but the nurse couldn't find the heartbeats, so she got out the doppler. She shoved it in to my ribs, saying, "That baby must be in a strange position." I asked my doula, "Is it normal to be this hard to find the heartbeats?" She said one must be in a weird position. Finally, the nurse found something that satisfied her. Then they did an ultrasound to check the babies' position. Again, they couldn't find the position of one. Were they incompetent, or what? My OB finally came in, did a last ultrasound, and said they were both still breech. Off to the OR for surgery prep.
As I was wheeled off to the OR, I told everyone, "Here come my teachers!" You see, I have always believed that my children will be here on earth to learn and to teach me.
Everything went smoothly. The spinal anesthesia didn't hurt much, and I didn't have trouble feeling my breathing like I'd heard about. And no nausea from the tugging and pulling. In the room were: two nurses for each baby, a neonatologist, my OB, an assisting OB, my nurse, my doula, the anesthesiologist and my husband, plus me and the twins: 12 people! My nurse saw meconium in my ruptured water. I asked her how that would change things. She said, "We'll just take the first one to be suctioned before he cries and inhales it." Easy enough. While we waited for the birth, I asked my husband to sing "Happy Birthday" in my ear, to celebrate our twins' arrival.
Last minute, I requested a mirror to witness the birth. I only saw legs being pulled out because doctors were in the way. Sammy came out and was rushed for suctioning. Two minutes later, I saw Charlie's legs, and then I heard the neonatologists say, "This isn't good." What went through my mind right then was, "Ok. I may lose one. How will I grieve one and celebrate the other?" How optimistic of me!
The room became bustling, and I heard shouts of, "We need backup. Call respiratory STAT!" I felt strangely peaceful and together through all of this. Minutes later ( or maybe eons, I don't know), the neonatologist came to me and said, "Your babies aren't doing well. They're not going to make it."
Everything went smoothly. The spinal anesthesia didn't hurt much, and I didn't have trouble feeling my breathing like I'd heard about. And no nausea from the tugging and pulling. In the room were: two nurses for each baby, a neonatologist, my OB, an assisting OB, my nurse, my doula, the anesthesiologist and my husband, plus me and the twins: 12 people! My nurse saw meconium in my ruptured water. I asked her how that would change things. She said, "We'll just take the first one to be suctioned before he cries and inhales it." Easy enough. While we waited for the birth, I asked my husband to sing "Happy Birthday" in my ear, to celebrate our twins' arrival.
Last minute, I requested a mirror to witness the birth. I only saw legs being pulled out because doctors were in the way. Sammy came out and was rushed for suctioning. Two minutes later, I saw Charlie's legs, and then I heard the neonatologists say, "This isn't good." What went through my mind right then was, "Ok. I may lose one. How will I grieve one and celebrate the other?" How optimistic of me!
The room became bustling, and I heard shouts of, "We need backup. Call respiratory STAT!" I felt strangely peaceful and together through all of this. Minutes later ( or maybe eons, I don't know), the neonatologist came to me and said, "Your babies aren't doing well. They're not going to make it."
"Shit," cried my husband and slumped next to me on his stool, sobbing. I wanted to comfort him, but my arms were strapped down.
I stayed in shock and numb for the rest of the day. I'm thankful, really, because I had no emotions to distract me from loving on my twins. My supportive and compassionate doula urged me to be the mother I was: to hold them, to inspect their bodies, to dress them, to put them to my breast. Their skin was so soft! My husband and I spent a few precious hours as mom and dad.
The next day, family filled the room! The twins were in a nearby room for family and friends to see. They were so beautiful that day! We have amazing pictures of our "sleeping" boys. We had a service with the resident priest, and our boys were baptised and annointed. Four days later, we had a HUGE memorial service in our home. My uncle, my mother's twin, a priest, led the ceremony, and friends and family spoke. My strong sister read the birth story (what you're reading) to the group. Many tears. Many broken hearts.
In four weeks, I go for my six week postpartum visit. There I'll hear the placental analysis and autopsy reports. Maybe we'll get some new information that will help us heal, and help prevent TTTS from shattering more lives.
I stayed in shock and numb for the rest of the day. I'm thankful, really, because I had no emotions to distract me from loving on my twins. My supportive and compassionate doula urged me to be the mother I was: to hold them, to inspect their bodies, to dress them, to put them to my breast. Their skin was so soft! My husband and I spent a few precious hours as mom and dad.
The next day, family filled the room! The twins were in a nearby room for family and friends to see. They were so beautiful that day! We have amazing pictures of our "sleeping" boys. We had a service with the resident priest, and our boys were baptised and annointed. Four days later, we had a HUGE memorial service in our home. My uncle, my mother's twin, a priest, led the ceremony, and friends and family spoke. My strong sister read the birth story (what you're reading) to the group. Many tears. Many broken hearts.
In four weeks, I go for my six week postpartum visit. There I'll hear the placental analysis and autopsy reports. Maybe we'll get some new information that will help us heal, and help prevent TTTS from shattering more lives.
--courtney shaheen, proud mother of identical twin boys, Sammy and Charlie
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