TTTS Parent Stories: ~Ruby & Raegan~
My name is Sabrianne my husbands name is Trevor. I am 22 and Trevor is 25. We live in the SF Bay Area in California. We have been together since high school. I have 3 daughters, two are in Heaven. My oldest daughters name is Rylee. My angel babies are Ruby Michelle and Raegan Kay. They left this world on 1/27/03 due to twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.
I found out I was pregnant when Rylee was about 6 months old. We had an ultrasound at 9 weeks where we saw one baby. At about 15 weeks I started to get really big, really quick. I had to beg and threaten to get my insurance co., Kaiser Permanente, to do an ultrasound because I knew something was wrong. Finally at 17 weeks they brought me in and that is when I found out I was having twins!!! That will always be the biggest shock of my life. I never thought in a million years I would be the mother of twins!!!
Looking back now, I know the Dr. knew there was something wrong but he let me walk around not thinking anything was wrong for another week until I saw the perionatologist. I thought it was just a routine twin check up so I went by myself. He told me my twins were identical girls and they had severe TTTS and the possibility of them surviving is very slim. I was in hysterics. My insurance company would not pay for the life saving surgery unless I joined a randomized study at UCSF, where it was only a 50% chance of getting the surgery. I knew I had to do whatever it took to save my babies, so I flew to Tampa Bay, Florida and paid out of pocket for the surgery immediately.
The doctor didn’t expect my donor baby, Raegan to make it after surgery because she did not have enough share of the placenta so she wasn’t getting enough blood. I couldn’t even speak after I heard that news, completely dazed. Sure enough, after flying home we had an ultrasound and she was gone. Once again, devastated. But then I knew everything would be just fine with Ruby, I didn’t think God would take them both. So I enjoyed the super bowl at my father-in-laws, the next day I spent time with my daughter and did some desperately needed dishes. While my daughter was napping I sat down to rest and watch Days of our Lives. At about 3:30pm I started having mild contractions. I was in denial. I thought it was gas or Ruby moving around. I didn’t want to overreact. They continued and I started getting nervous so I called my mom. She came over and by that time I was leaking fluid. I wanted to go the to nearest hospital but again my insurance would not approve it so I had to wait in 45 minutes of traffic to get there. Once I got there I was told all the Drs were in an emergency c-section so it was about 20 min before anyone saw me. I was begging for trebutaline, the contractions were getting worse. They gave me a mild dose and explained they don’t really do much to save pregnancies before 20 weeks. I was 19 weeks and 5 days. So I continued to labor, they refused to check my cervix. After begging and continuously explaining that I had my first daughter in 5 hrs, they finally check me. I was dilated to 3cm and there was nothing they could do.
They transferred me to a delivery room where my little angels were born. Raegan was 1st. Then about 9 minutes later Ruby was born alive. Her little heart beat for about 45 minutes. I couldn’t even cry I just had a blank stare and an empty heart. I held them for hours. I wouldn’t let anyone but my mom touch them, not even to be weighed. I put them in the warmer all wrapped up and said goodbye and goodnight. The next morning I took them personally to the crematory. We had a small service and left with their ashes.
Their ashes and other special items are in my daughters’ room. We planted two trees at my father-in-laws ranch in their memory. I don’t know why God would grant me such a miracle just to take it away. I knew I couldn’t have been that lucky. I still am holding on to hope that I will be granted another miracle and they will come back to me someday. I miss them terribly and wonder if I would have done things differently or known earlier I was having twins if they might be here with me. I hope they can see and hear me so they know how much I love them. If they never come back to this world I hope we can meet and be together on the other side.
Ruby and Raegan, my darling angel babies, mommy loves you very much. I am blessed to have you as angels and honored to be your mommy. You will always be missed and remembered.
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